i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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