The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
