when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
