I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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