This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
