Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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