I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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