dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have fence marks all over my body
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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