I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
