Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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