Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
