So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
