when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
