who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
