I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
