Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
