I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will be naked everywhere
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
