I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was born a porn star she said
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
