I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just forgot I was standing up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
