his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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