I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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