Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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