The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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