Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
