Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
