I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
