I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
