im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
