I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
