people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
