last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
