You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
