remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
