you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
