I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
honey bunches of taint.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
