I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize