Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
