My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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