i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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