Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
