just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
