The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
