I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
