I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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