we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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