I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
