I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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