??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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