It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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