You're so nebulous sometimes
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
