1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
