I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
