I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
