; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
