no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
