can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
