I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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