I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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