therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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