Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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