everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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