dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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