Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
