i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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