...so i touched it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
